Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
