Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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