another moral hangover. fuck.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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