Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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