You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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