I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she looked like the before picture.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
