dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
