Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
