Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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