God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
