Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
