This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
