I got chris browned last night
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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