its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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