i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
A+ Viking dick
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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