So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
