The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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