No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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