Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
