After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You pole danced in your parka.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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