I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
