Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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