His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
