My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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