Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
