i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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