I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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