he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
