well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
