okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
