Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
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birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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