The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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