So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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