I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
