dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize