We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
