Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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