I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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