i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
