I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
