I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
