Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
are you so shy because you have an std?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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