My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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