That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
