I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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