bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
only you would photoshop your dick
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize
