i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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