Kiss
Puke
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
