Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
