shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
