I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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