I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
