i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
