I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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