I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
