This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
