On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
