im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
