you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
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CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
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My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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