You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
