i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
