I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
