I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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