Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
you inspire me to be a worse person
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Randomize
