This is not my ceiling
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
