it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
3 2 1 whiskey
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize