Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You're like the curious george of whores
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
