Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
