She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
