I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
