apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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